I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
