Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
