NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Two words: blizzard sex
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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