OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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