Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
