he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
