I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
