i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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