It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
