My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
