Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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