If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
