you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
