i'm signing you up for texting rehab
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
