so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
