Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
