I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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