I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
