fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
