Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
