Don't you send me to vm
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
