my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
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