Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
