i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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