I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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