Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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