is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
