If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
