My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
