but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
