I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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