The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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