Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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