they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
