I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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