Who did Billy Mays play for?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
