He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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