Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
