I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
