I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
