dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
