i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
