so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize