Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
