so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
