My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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