College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
His nipple licking is glorious
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
