wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
