Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
