I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
