Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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