My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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